The Mommy Wars
Over at A Nervous Tic Motion, CubicleViews proffered up a guest post about his adventures as a Stay at Home Mom for a day. It proved busy – but it did end with cookies – so he’s got that going for him.
This got me thinking about the ongoing mommy wars. The socialsphere continues to rage in a civil war of working moms vs. SAHMs. Babble recently posted an article, 10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mother.
I don’t know how SAHMs do it. I won’t lie – I’m not strong enough to stay at home. I returned to work a mere month after the muppets arrived home from the hospital. (Props to Jon here who spent a year as Daddy Day Care, spending his weekdays at home with tiny muppets.)
Let me make myself clear. I do not think one choice is better or worse than the other. I do not think moms are better at the task of rearing children than fathers.
But, I’m sure those of you who are dead set in your opinion that working mothers breed a new generation of criminals are tired of having the beliefs you’re trying to force down our throats fall on deaf ears. So I thought I’d spend some time really taking your statements to heart.
1. Why did you have kids if you’re not raising them.
It was all because of the drugs. Believe me – I tried not to have kids for three months more. <;Hangs head in shame>; It appears you were right…infertility medications are a gateway drug! Just say no! Actually, I’m a little confused – is it nature or nurture that takes a village?
2. Must suck to have to leave your kid every day.
It is absolutely heartbreaking to see how distraught my children are when I say goodbye every morning. So inconsolable are they, in fact, that they can’t even bear to look back. So they hit the ground running toward the breakfast table. “Cracker? Cracker?” Sometimes they yell, “Byeeee” over their should as they break for toys.
3. I thought your husband made enough for you to say home.
I tried to be a proud to submissive, traditional wife, preparing myself before his homecoming. I would smooth my housedress and reapply my lead-based makeup before having him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie down in the bedroom. But sadly, I was unsuccessful at preparing all the meals and clearing all the clutter. I failed at being the Stepford Wife perfect mate to the King of my castle. Also, it’s 2012 – so I’m either a modern woman or it’s the end of the world. One of those.
4. You must feel really guilty.
Ooh – I got this one. I’m Catholic. We’ve got the guilt thing down. Although, I’ve read the California Penal Code (or at least heard many parts of it) and I just can’t find that specific section where I have committed a specified or implied offense or crime. Well, aside from the fault and blame – which you’re heaping right now. But it is really awful to have a happy, functioning family.
5. I could never trust anyone else with my kids.
So you’re not offering to babysit? Honestly thought, I completely understand your concern. So much so that their father is the literal definition of a helicopter parent. (Plus it’s obvious you never had a Mary Poppins Holly. Clearly.) Oh My God! Look out behind you! WATCH OUT! Life’s about to happen – including germs, bumps and bruises. <;Runs screaming from the conversation>;
6. We made the financial sacrifices so I could stay home.
We made the financial sacrifices so I could send them to daycare. That place is not cheap people! Are you offering to pay me? I’d make a joke about buying my kids a pony, but Lucky the stuffed pretty pony is presently staring me down – so I’m a little afraid to offend him.
7. Do your kids ever see you?
We make sure to plan weekly dates. Sometimes we get spontaneously crazy and enjoy some quality bonding time at 3 or 4 in the morning. And don’t worry, we routinely enjoy traditional family-value-full evenings where we sit around the table for a well-balanced meal (or on beanbag chairs in the living room while the adults try not to smoosh the handfuls of Kix cereal the children are eating off the floor). One of those.
8. You are so lucky that you work!
I have a confession: I like my job. So, yes. Yes I am lucky. In fact, at the very least I recommend you get a hobby.
9. So, who is watching your kid?
What do you mean “who?” I’ve had dogs all my life. You just crate train right? Haha. I’m just kidding. I leave them in the car. I mean seriously – that’s why we had two at once – so they can entertain each other. Don’t worry. We park the car in the shade at daycare.
10. You’re choosing career over your kids?
Now that’s just silly. I want a career in writing. And I’m trying to build my brand on stories about my kids. So I need to keep them around so I have tales to tell. That and I need to save enough money to put them in t-ball so they can earn the skills to support their wives when they grow up.