The children arose before the automatic coffee timer this morning. That was rough.

If I can’t take my coffee break,
Something within me dies.

I don’t didn’t drink coffee. I didn’t – past tense. Now I do. Now I drink a lot of it. It’s medically necessary.

“Women who drink four cups of coffee a day are 20 percent less likely to become depressed than women who rarely drink coffee.” This may be my favorite study. Ever. Read more

Disclaimer: Yes, I know the boys aren’t *technically* in preschool. They’re in the toddler class at daycare. Prior to having kids I was just as judgey about parents using “school” for where the tiny tots spend their days. But they are *at* a school. And that’s just easier to say. Plus, preschool worked better for the title of this post.

Also, this post contains language inappropriate for family-oriented audiences. It’s all in pursuit of accurate reporting on the muppets’ development. They said it. Not me.

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Good news! The GREEN sippy cup has been found, since blue was apparently unacceptable.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day:

I gotta tell you, I’m super impressed with how calm you parent now…there are a lot of parents who would still be overly cautious about their preemies and you let them be kids who fall on their noggins and only panic when necessary. I mean when Destroy tanked you didn’t miss a beat. You just picked him and then set him on his way. Parents who didn’t have preemies aren’t usually that mellow. Read more

We apologize for this delay in your Stream of Conscious enjoyment. This interruption is brought to you by, “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson. (No. 1 on the New York Times Bestseller List. Where I hope to be within at least a couple hundred someday.)

The Bloggess said it best. Depression is a lying bastard.

I’ve found myself struggling with another “episode” lately. It started a couple weeks ago – sneaking up on me when I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t think you’d really notice by looking at me. I’m still fully functional.

But those close to me did start thinking I was acting a little off. I was being weird(er). Read more

I wrote it all down. And then I deleted it. Because sometimes you just need a fresh start. Or ice cream. I’ve been clicking refresh for hours now. I think I’ve reached the end of the interwebs.

<Gasp> The world is flat and it’s 72 dpi. The game is up! Read more

Sometimes, where words fail, music speaks. And the melodies are the memory.

It’s been three months since G.G. left us – I imagine her once again chasing rides in stylish cars and searching out the perfect tan at the water’s edge, while her once and again rock star pursues her. I miss her.

So on Saturday night, I got dolled up and headed out on the town. The Stan Kenton Alumni band was playing at Santa Clara – my own alma mater. (Ok, so the town was two miles down the road.) We were ready to take in some classic big band jazz. And relive the memories in the melody. Read more

Guess what I was doing two years ago today. No cheating. Wow. You totally just cheated.

But yes. We are going right back down this rabbit hole. And fair warning – we likely have many years ahead of us doing the exact same thing. So prepare to tuck and roll folks, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Two years ago today I wandered the halls of a hospital looking for the Labor and Delivery unit. (Which, by the by, they hide on the top floor – that makes no sense.) They hooked me up to machines. And we waited. And then I was admitted. It didn’t look good.

I still vividly remember Dr. Meyer shaking his head at me. “Not viable.” He was not a doctor who gave me warm fuzzies.

It was April 22. I was 22 weeks pregnant. Read more

The day I post my review of Fragile Beginnings and I’m heading up north of THE CITY for a book reading and signing of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by The Bloggess herself, Jenny Lawson.

Nerd alert!

That’s right. I got to meet The Bloggess. In person. And listen to her speak. Her New York and LA stops resulted in sold out books and standing room only crowds – so we took no chances and got there early. And also I was navigator in the car, so we had to leave early since it was assumed I would get us lost. (GPS: “Re-calculating. You. Moron.) Read more

Fragile Beginnings: Discoveries and Triumphs in the Newborn ICU is not an easy read.

Told from the perspective of Dr. Adam Wolfberg, both a perinatologist and preemie dad, the pages are filled with emotional triggers to send me back to my own NICU experience. His daughter, Larissa, was born at 26 weeks when her mother suddenly went into labor. She then suffered a Grade IV brain bleed. (Larissa, not her mom.)

Interspersed throughout the story are thick science discussions about the complex world of saving tiny babies – sometimes to the point of pushing Larissa’s story to the periphery. What can be done for them? How far has tiny baby care come in just a few short years? What are the lasting effects of extreme efforts to save a child? And when is it too much; is palliative care sometimes kinder – a question not of “can it be done,” but “should it be done.” Read more