You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son’s brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, I’m pretty confident in asserting the thoughts are all over the place.

So today we have a guest blog of sorts. Below is an actual conversation (monologue really) as one of everyone’s favorite muppets navigated his evening. I am not making this up. Read more

Spring has arrived. Corporate conferences abound. And work travel is in the air (pun totally intended).

Baseball games have good people watching. Vegas has better. But the airport? That one can’t be beat.

What characters have you seen that need to be added? Read more

You’re probably at the mall.

For I have seen the Gates of Hell. And they bear the sign, “Valley Fair.”

Whoever coined the phrase “If you’re going through hell, keep on going…” was obviously at the mall when inspiration hit. Read more

You know you’ve seen them all. Any additions? Read more

When the muppets were born, they were indoctrinated to a cold, cruel, gravity-filled world. Instead of smiling alligators, bumble bees, and caterpillars adorning nursery walls in bold primary colors, their first ABCs were the red beeping alarms of apnea and bradycardia episodes in an intensive care isolette.

Now they’re closing in on age 3. And causing trouble. Yesterday I got pulled into the principal’s office. Because one of my little ones was spending a bit too much time in THE OFFICE. We’ve been observing and discussing next steps. Our new ABCs are antecedents, behavior, consequence.

Whatever. Interested in the actual alphabet involved in the parenting of a toddler? Read more

I truly believe we should be able to give life a timeout if so deserved. I need one from being an adult.

So if you need me, I will be in my blanket fort, coloring. I promise to willingly retreat to my room for nap when the clock strikes 12. Read more

My militaristic-type friends (by which I mean veterans of our armed forces) have shared that the tactics needed for escape and evasion are known as “SURVIVAL.” And it appears my future paratroopers were born with Man vs. Wild style instincts inherently embedded in their tiny fighting spirits.

At their present age, such methods are generally invoked against bathtime (apparently germs are to two-year-olds as long luxurious hair was to Solomon’s power) or bedtime (because no toddler has ever admitted to being tired in the history of evolution – the first rule of toddler sleepy time; NEVER MENTION BEING SLEEPY). Read more

It’s been freezing. At least at night. The heater in our house is set to a chilly 65 fire-up, ever since I had a tantrum and staged a one-woman war against PG&E. Outside there was even hail. That is frozen rain. (Shut up all you non-Californians who have actually experienced snow/sleet/freezing rain.)

And also my feet were freezing; therefore it was cold. Read more

Because sometimes you love garbage trucks so much, you just have to stop and sing about it.
 

The following conversation just happened:

Search: <singing> ITSY SPIDER! ITSY SPIDER

Me: Oh! Are we singing Itsy Bitsy Spider? <I start singing.>

Destroy: No, mommy. Read more