With Gramma: Educational play.

With Papa: Utter chaos.

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When the muppets were born, they were indoctrinated to a cold, cruel, gravity-filled world. Instead of smiling alligators, bumble bees, and caterpillars adorning nursery walls in bold primary colors, their first ABCs were the red beeping alarms of apnea and bradycardia episodes in an intensive care isolette.

Now they’re closing in on age 3. And causing trouble. Yesterday I got pulled into the principal’s office. Because one of my little ones was spending a bit too much time in THE OFFICE. We’ve been observing and discussing next steps. Our new ABCs are antecedents, behavior, consequence.

Whatever. Interested in the actual alphabet involved in the parenting of a toddler? Read more

“Don’t you wish you could…” is not a concept present in the mind of a child.

It is truly amazing to watch little ones discover the world – unencumbered and uninhibited by impossibilities. They don’t wish they could. They just do. For better or worse. Read more

While one whirling dervish flung himself off stacks of mats and hurled himself up and over a balance structure twice his height – proudly chanting “POMMEL HORSE” at the top of his lungs, our other son was quiet.

This was not our most stellar gymnastics class outing. Read more

“Mr. Stream? Do you have a moment to chat with me in my office?” the preschool principal began as she approached Jon after drop-off on Monday.

Because that’s not even remotely foreboding to get called to the principal’s office that way. Oh god – the muppets were getting expelled. (Please never underestimate my ability to jump to the worst possible conclusion. Every. Time. It’s a gift.) Read more

Naptime hadn’t gone so well. The natives were getting restless in the living room. So we ventured forth into the great outdoors and headed toward the park.

Sadly, our local neighborhood corner park was infested by middle-school-age heathens – who thought it was just hilarious to stuff themselves into the bucket swings and squeeze down the toddler slides. Read more

The boys want nothing to do with the potty. Rather they seem to be quite enamored with going through 3,000 diapers per year.

So we ordered books. (Because heretoforth those “What To Expect” how-to guides have always served us so well…) Read more

Fairy tales will have you believe that adroit parents simply put their offspring to bed and retire to enjoy the peace and quiet of adult time.

The plan:

1. Carry sweet child upstairs.
2. Tuck them into bed. Read educational storybook.
3. Kiss cherubic chubby cheeks.
4. Close door gently. Return an hour later to simply stare at angelic perfection.

HOGWASH! Read more

Did you all have a nice weekend? We had a Superbowl Party. I won’t lie. It did turn in to a bit of a Bacchanalian fracas.

It was supposed to be a nice chill, laid back afternoon. Jon invited a couple friends over; I did the same. Jon set about preparing mozzarella meatball sliders, I focused on the important course of the meal – carrot cake and peanut butter brownies. It was a gluten-free bonanza, yo! (Lookitmee, all domestic-like.) Read more

I get this question a lot. The truth is I have no idea. We don’t know anything other than energy-intensive twin boys. JUST DO IT! <Nike swoosh. ©>

However, this response typically elicits a sympathetic pity smile.

So. The reality: Read more